Today I woke up again at an ungodly hour! I can never sleep. All those years of being on edge and waiting for the other foot to drop. My cousin is in town for a week and I am hoping to spend time with her and her kids. She has always been more of a sister to me than my actual sister. Even she doesn’t know all of the stuff I have had to deal with in my life. Sometimes you don’t want to share. You get sick of the pity. I do anyways.
I have been reading a book by Dr. Lillian Glass called Toxic People. It is very insightful into the personalities of all of the different people in my life who cause me so much grief. Sadly, I have had to do a lot of the UNPLUG technique. Had to do it again with another person. A girl that I use to think of as my own daughter, Lauren, sent me a message, saying how I was telling her mother on her. It is almost laughable if it were not so sad. She does a lot of drugs and I think they are starting to affect her mind. I haven’t even spoken to her mother in almost a year. Plus, I have enough stuff going on in my own life to worry about how she is living hers. So, I just wrote the whole family off. I have had issues come up a lot with them and I haven’t even seen them in 10 years!
Sometimes, I just wish that I could fall asleep and never wake up. Then I think of my girls and keep on trudging through this thing called life.